I'm not sure if one is ever really "ready" to lose a parent. When it's your father, you are saying goodbye to your protector, provider and guide. When it's your mother, you are saying goodbye to your caretaker, nurturer and confidant. Well, at least that is how we imagine our parents should be. Regardless of our relationship with our parents or whether or not they "measured up" to their role in our lives, for those of us who loved them, losing one of them can be devastating. For me, I have had to say goodbye to both of my parents now and there is no other way to describe the feeling but surreal and slightly orphaned.
My father passed away when I was 18. He was 50 years old and died in his sleep from cardiomyopathy of the heart. He was a diabetic and a heavy smoker and he did not like going to the doctor. My mom passed away this past September at the age of 70. She too, slipped away in her sleep from a "devastating cerebral brain hemorrhage", also known as a "Brain Aneurysm". Like my father, she also struggled with smoking most of her adult life. My mom and dad were both very hard workers and lived under a high level of stress. Together they would dream of retirement and all of the things they would do together. They worked long, hard hours striving for the day that they could rest and enjoy their lives. But that day never came…
My parents, like many of us, believed that they would retire around 65 and then spend the next 15 years traveling and enjoying their grand babies. They put money in their 401k's and IRAs. They made their plans to buy an RV and travel around the US. They invested in fishing gear that they would "enjoy for years to come". They never traveled outside of the country, or the state for that matter. They never enjoyed theatre, or long drives up and down the coast. They worked. Tirelessly they worked. Every year my sister and I would beg them to take us to Disneyland or Yosemite, but they were too tired, too broke, or just too unwilling. Our vacations growing up were camping trips to the same little lake in Northern California. Every year, twice a year from when I was 6 months old to when I was 17. We loved our traditional camping trips, they really were the highlight of my childhood, but we always knew that mom and dad wanted something more….and they planned to have it….some day.
I think that one of the most sobering lessons for me in losing my parents while they were still relatively young, is that they worked so hard to achieve the "someday dream", that they let their "today's" slip by. They should have laughed more, played more, rested more….lived more. The bible says, that "life is just a vapor and then it's gone." It really is so very true. Investing in the future is important, but not at the expense of living today. Life throws curve balls at us every step of the journey, but we must learn how to dodge them, learn from them, and keep enjoying our lives and the people in which we share them.
Yes, I will invest in IRAs and Mutual Funds…but I will also invest in my marriage, children and friends. Yes, I will plan for my future, but I will also be present and live today. Yes, I will dream…yes, I will hope. But no, I will not drive myself into the ground with work, stress, and harmful self remedy's. I will love Jesus, Love my family, Love my work and Love my play. And I will not take for granted one single day while I'm on this planet…I will dream for tomorrow but live like I only have today. This will be my tribute to my parents. "I hear you mom and dad….And I will learn from you."
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