Winter

"Winter, winter, where are your leaves?
Billowing blossoms and nests within trees?
Why do you hide the most precious of sights?
The music and lullabies of birds taking flight?

Oh winter, harsh winter, so cold and so dim...
Reaching out for me...yes, biting within.
I hide in shadows of fire dancing on logs,
Under blankets and pillows, alone to my thoughts.

Oh winter, long winter, your days will soon end.
The sun will appear with life once again.
My waiting and sighing will be overturned,
by dancing and singing for spring has returned.
I will bask in the sunshine when all things are new,
The frost is no longer, replaced now by dew.

Winter, oh winter it seemed long ago,
That my heart seemed frozen in time by your snow.
But alas I have found a new strength and new zeal,
For far beyond winter is summers appeal."  
Poem by Cindy Butow 

It's interesting how we celebrate the birth of Jesus in the winter. Winter is such a transitional time where the old things die and fall to the ground making way for new things to sprout up again when the season is over. Winter is cold, there is more dark than light, and it is long. Winter can be hard even in its beauty, testing our strength and ability to cope…it pushes our limits and if caught unprepared, can steal our life away. But for those who endure, springtime will come! Introducing new things that we could not see in the winter. New colors, fragrances and experiences. All things are made new again as they spring back to life! The daylight is longer and the darkness is held back by the warmth of the sun. We are free! No longer contained by four walls, but we can shed our layers and run barefoot through the grass again! Jesus, the One who proclaimed, "Behold, I have come to make all things new! I have come to bring life and life more abundantly!!!"…is celebrated in the dead of winter, just before the ushering in of spring. I pray that this Christmas we will all be reminded that spring IS coming, no matter how dark and cold things may feel, the sun will shine again on your life and the ones you love...

Mourning: A Season Of Change

Always be joyful.  Always keep on praying.  No matter what happens, always be thankful, for this is God’s will for you who belong to Christ Jesus.     1 Thessalonians 5:16-18

The sunlight pierced through my window like a loud unwelcome guest. Ready or not, it's another day.  Breathing is difficult.  Forcing myself to get out of bed is only possible when allured by a hot, comforting cup of coffee.  I go from bed to living room sofa.  I am lucky if I accomplish anything at all by the time the sun sets.  The moon is a steady companion, for as the moon rises the phone calls, agendas and questions fade and I finally have permission to just be. Many nights I am awake until my eyes grow so heavy they involuntarily close, other nights are met by the rising sun and then it is off to bed just as the rest of the world awakens.

Some would call this depression and they may be right. Grief is indeed an unshakable sadness, for which there are no words.  You can not rush the process or will it away, no matter how great your honest effort may be.  When you have suffered a loss...you feel at a loss.  Nothing more to give.  Extreme highs or lows from an outside force can tip you over the edge at any moment.  It is difficult to trust the sincerity of questions of concern and yet when one finally breaks through the wall of solitude a torrent of emotion comes forth in uncontrollable tears.  This is mourning.  Empty, dark, desperate, alone.  There is no relief...we must simple rest in God and ride the waves towards healing.

Let all that I am wait quietly before God, for my hope is in him.
6 He alone is my rock and my salvation, my fortress where I will not be shaken.
7 My victory and honor come from God alone.
He is my refuge, a rock where no enemy can reach me.
8 O my people, trust in him at all times. 
Pour out your heart to him,  for God is our refuge. Psalm 62:5-8

I am not a stranger to grief.  I suffered my first great loss at age 15. July 16,1989.  The day one of my closest friends from childhood took his life in his bedroom.  A shotgun blast to the head.   Three months later, my mom confessed he had called me just five minutes before the fatal blow.  I wasn't home.  I have found that grief can not be measured by relation or accurance.  Grief is different every time for everyone.  However having a loved one take their own life is one of the greatest aches of the heart.  So wasteful, so unnecessary, so preventable.  Yet, those who take their life are very good at keeping it from their loved ones and when they do, the shock is unbearable for those left to mourn.

I felt my next great loss when I was 18 years old, April 13,1992.  I was on a missions trip in San Vacente, Mexico when I was awakened in the middle of the night with news that my dad had died suddenly.  My world was turned upside down.  I loved my dad although he was not a perfect man.  His diabetes, smoking and stressful work environment left him unhealthy and agitated.  At 50 years old his heart couldn't take it anymore and he died in his sleep.  My grief for my dad was tempered by the intensity of my moms emotional instability.  Both my sister and I had to jump into "take care of mom" mode and I'm not sure how well I dealt with the loss of my dad.

Less than a year later I experienced my 3rd deep loss.  One week after giving me away at my wedding, my grandfather was diagnosed with Cirrhosis of the Liver and was lying on his death bed in the hospital on March 22, 1993.   I arrived home from our honeymoon just in time and although he wasn't conscious, when I spoke to my grandpa at his bedside, a tear ran down his cheek.  He died less than 24 hours later.   My grandpa was my dads dad and the only grandparent I had ever known. He was a sweet, gentle man who loved his only child and his family very, very much.  After my dads passing, my grandpa was so grieved that I often wonder if he died of a broken heart.  In one year, I lost the two most steady and influential men in my life.  My stability.  My safety.  The ones who were indestructible in the eyes of a little girl, were suddenly gone.  I was 19 and I was devastated.

For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all.  So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.  2 Corinthians 4:17-18

I was caught up in the whirlwind of taking care of my mom, grieving my dad and grandpa, and learning how to be a new wife to Justin when we found out we were pregnant with our first child on August 8, 1993.  A couple of months later, we found out our baby was a girl and we named her Deverie Ellen.  On June 11,1994 I gave birth to our beautiful little girl weighing 7 lb 12 ounces.  She had a birth mark that completely covered the tip of her nose.  Adorable.  She was perfect, our little gift from God to signal an end to loss in our family.  However, we noticed something wasn't quite right when she was just 4 hours old.  Her mouth and finger tips were blue.  I couldn't seem to get her warm enough, even while skin to skin, and she kept crying and crying.  A nurse came in and took her to their NICU for some testing.  About two hours later, Deverie was on her way to UCSF in San Francisco via ambulance.  This was about 830 pm and I would not be discharged until 130 pm the next day.  That was the longest night of my life.  When we arrived at UCSF the next day, we were told that our baby girl had a severe congenital heart defect and the best they could do was keep her in the hospital and work on getting her strong enough for open heart surgery.  For 10 days I nursed Deverie, and pumped in between so the nurses would always have a supply..  I sang her songs as she sucked on my pinkie finger and I prayed and prayed for God to heal her tiny tube covered body as I rocked her in the rocking chair in NICU.  On day 11 she had her first big surgery.... But she didn't make it.  On July 22,1994, I felt a mothers devastated heart as I encountered the worse loss I have ever felt.  Nothing can prepare you for losing your child.  It doesn't matter how old they are, in the womb or out.  There is a maternal bond that takes place early in the pregnancy, and when that bond is broken by death, it is a deep, inexplicable sorrow.  There truly are no words.  For days after the passing of Deverie, Justin had to wrap my chest as tightly as he could with Ace bandages to stop my milk from coming in.  This process is humiliating and painful, but necessary, for it is the quickest way to stop the natural process of production after nursing and pumping as often as I was.  My arms physically ached to hold her.  I wasn't sure how to cope after losing my dad in 92, my grandpa in 93, and now my baby girl in 94.  I wouldn't have made it...if not for Jesus and the comfort of His Holy Spirit.

But the Comforter, which is the Holy Ghost, whom the Father will send in my name, he shall teach you all things, and bring all things to your remembrance, whatsoever I have said unto you.  John 14:26

So be strong and courageous! Do not be afraid.  For the LORD your God will personally go ahead of you. He will neither fail you nor abandon you. Deuteronomy 31:6

Within one year, Justin and I had the great joy of bringing Rachelle Hope into the world on Mothers Day, May 14, 1995 and then Malaki William, January 9,1997.  My body was tired after 3 years of pregnancy and my heart was tired with all of the changes the past 5 years had just brought, but my constant strength and friendship was always found in my wonderful husband Justin, and my precious Savior, Jesus.

The Lord’s my Shepherd, I’ll not want. He makes me down to lie In pastures green; 

He leadeth me The quiet waters by. My soul He doth restore again;

And me to walk doth make Within the paths of righteousness,  Even for His own Name’s sake.

Yea, though I walk in death’s dark vale, Yet will I fear no ill;
For Thou art with me; and Thy rod And staff my comfort still.

My table Thou hast furnishèd In presence of my foes; 

My head Thou dost with oil anoint, And my cup overflows.

Goodness and mercy all my life Shall surely follow me;
And in God’s house forevermore My dwelling place shall be. Psalm 23

The years 1995 to 2012 were filled with the usual ups and downs of life, chaos of raising kids and the constant juggle to gain control of finances in the midst of ministry and economic crisis, but we had not had any other immediate family loss on my side, until September 12, 2013.  The day my mom died.  With everything I mentioned before, my mom was always there for me. She was the one to tell me about dad on the phone, and even as she grieved loosing my dad, she helped me plan my wedding.  She paid for everything and even sent Justin and I on our honeymoon.  When we found out we were pregnant with Deverie, she felt that the baby was a glimmer of hope, something to look forward too after so many tears.  And when Deverie was in the hospital, mom stayed by our side in San Francisco, never leaving once, and paid for a condo for us to stay in nearby the hospital. When Deverie passed away, mom bought us a family plot so that Justin and I could be buried with her someday.  She rejoiced in her grand babies and was always there when we needed her.  She relished the role of Grammy, especially during the holidays.  She was feisty and she was sweet.  Losing my mom, is one of the most difficult losses I have ever felt.  Again, you can't really compare, they are all different, but plain and simple...I am so heartbroken that my mom is gone.  My childhood, family and home is gone.  It is now just my sister and I holding tightly to our memories with mom, dad, and grandpa.

There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens:

a time to be born and a time to die, time to plant and a time to uproot,

a time to kill and a time to heal, a time to tear down and a time to build,

a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance, 

a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them, 

a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing,

a time to search and a time to give up, a time to keep and a time to throw away,

a time to tear and a time to mend, a time to be silent and a time to speak,

a time to love and a time to hate, a time for war and a time for peace.  Ecclesiastes 3

I knew that losing my mom would be an emotional blow, but I was completely caught off guard by the sense of finality I would feel regarding my childhood.  Over this past year we had to pack up 35 years worth of memories as selling her house became necessary.  I found toys and books from my childhood, items that belonged to my dad that I had not seen for the 20 years since his passing. We had to sift through old report cards, childhood crafts and paintings, and closets filled with family mementos that went back five generations.  I found myself not only grieving my mom, but my dad and my grandpa all over again.  I had to say goodbye to tangible memories of my childhood house and my hometown.  I was born and raised in Ukiah.  My home had always been rooted there...with my mom and all her boxes of memories.  Now it was time to sift through the boxes and divide everything between my sister and I.  Such a difficult task, compounded by this overwhelming feeling of.."I don't want to do this.  I'm not ready to do this.  I'm not ready to let go of my family, my home, my memories. My mom."  Last year I said goodbye to everyone all over again...and goodbye to "home" for the first time.

My mom was the matriarch of the family.  She was the queen bee.  Although I have lived a very independent life for the past 21 years, I was always thinking about her, considering her and checking in with her.  Every Thanksgiving and Christmas was spent with mom.  She planned the meals, she cooked, she baked and she would always decorate her house beautifully for the holidays.  Twinkling lights, music boxes, snowy villages, dancing Disney cartoon animals and animated Santa's.  My mom's home was a child's Christmas dream, and this was exactly how she wanted it.  Christmas movies and music was always on in the background, and Pecan Tossies baking in the oven.  Her fridge filled with stews and chicken dumplings, sugar plums and homemade quiche.  On her table would be an assortment of sugar cookies, lemon bars, gingerbread men and pies.  She loved Christmas and we loved Christmas at Grammys!  Every Christmas morning we would wake up to a tree loaded with presents.  At least three for every person, just from Grammy. And then each of us would buy one or two for each other, some big, some small...but always wrapped and placed under the tree with such love and excitement.  The kids would wake up first and put the coffee on, and then as we all filled the family room we would each start going through our stocking.  Yes, parents too.  When I was 10 and my sister 16, we surprised our parents with stockings of their own in the morning.  My mom loved it so much, that we just kept the tradition going! And now parents are never left out.  After the stockings, we would head into the living room and take our time opening the presents one by one, taking turns enjoying the giving just as much as the receiving.  It was meaningful and exciting.  It was family and it was tradition.

Now that my mom has gone home to heaven, it seems that the Thanksgiving and Christmas celebrations are up to me.  The mantle has been passed.  This is something that fits me and I will take great joy in carrying on the family traditions that my mom loved so much and that we all truly appreciated and cherished.  However, it is just too soon.  I hoped to have my mom around for at least 10 more years.  Losing her at the age of 70 was just not the plan.  I wasn't ready to go it alone, and I'm still not.  But I will.

God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble. Psalm 46:1

With joy, I will move forward and I will cook and bake and decorate just as she taught me.  With Jesus as my friend and my strength I will carry on in our traditions for the sake of my family, just as my mom did when my dad passed.  I will celebrate Jesus, family and all of our memories.  I will choose to look forward and not behind. To remember with thankfulness and cherish what I can hold on to rather than regret what I can not. I will learn the lessons of love and loss, I will live in the now, and not the past.  I will be forever grateful for the shadows in my life, for when you have experienced darkness, how great your appreciation for the light!

Here is the great truth that I have learned in mourning the departure of my loved ones.  Though I feel alone, I am never alone. Jesus has always been with me.  He has held me, talked with me, loved me, had compassion on me, taught me, and He has never left my side.  When no one else could comfort me...His Holy Spirit knew just what to do.  One thing I know for sure, is that although our carnal bodies may fail us, His loving kindness has no end and He being eternal, will never leave me or forsake me.  So no matter who comes or goes, I am never at risk of being separated from God and I will be with Him forever on the day He calls ME home.

So how do we cope with grief?  What about those days that we just don't want to climb out of bed?  The nights when tears stream like rivers down our cheeks and we cry from somewhere deep in our souls?  When our hearts break to the point of stealing our breath away?  When we don't want to be alone, but we don't have the strength to be around others?  What do we do?  How do we heal?  Everyone is different.  Every path varies.  Every journey is in it's own time.  But one thing I know for sure...those who know Jesus, are not ever without hope.  And when we feel like we are at the end of ourselves, He is there.  He fills us with His life and His light, when all we can see is death in the clouds.  He is strong...when our strength is gone.  And it is okay...to just be.  Just be.  HE will make all things beautiful in it's time.  This is my experience and this what I cling to.  His truth.  His life.  His hope.  His....hand.  Until this season of change has come to an end and a new season begins again...

Weeping may last through the night, but joy comes with the morning.  Psalm 30:5

Grieving And the Slippery Slope of Despair

                   "Earth has no sorrow that heaven can not heal." Author Unknown

Isaiah 43:2

"When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; And through the rivers, they will not overflow you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be scorched, Nor will the flame burn you."

I have mourned deeply throughout my life. I "lost" one of my closest friends to suicide when I was 16, my dad when I was 18, my only grandparent when I was 19, my first daughter when I was 20 and my mom this past September.  No one can really prepare you or comfort you when you're walking through the "shadows of death", you can have your best friend holding your hand and still feel like you are utterly alone. You listen for comforting words, but words are meaningless. You reach for consolation in the acts of friends, the prayers of brothers and sisters, the loving arms of your spouse. But all is empty….dark…lonely. This is mourning. This is grief. It is isolating, numbing, and paralyzing.

Mary the mother of Jesus felt the agonizing sting as well as The Father as He watched His only son die on the cross. Mothers and fathers mourn their children, children mourn their mothers and fathers.  There is cutting pain in losing your soul mate and partner in life or the wisdom once found in a loving grandparent. When these loved ones pass unexpectedly or far too soon, we are left to ask,"Where is God?" "How could a loving God allow such pain and 'despair?" Jesus never promised life without pain, sorrow or death. He Himself experienced it when His cousin, John, was beheaded, and when He heard the news that His good friend, Lazarus, had fallen ill and died. Jesus understands our sorrow and pain. In fact, Jesus said in Matthew 5:4 that all of those who mourn WILL be comforted.

I can not imagine going through the grieving process without Jesus. But it is not enough to only rely on praying and feeling His comforting presence, for often, losing someone we love will have a numbing effect on us. Suddenly, we are unable to feel joy, excitement or comfort when we need it most. As horrible as this may feel, this is actually a good thing as our body's are giving us time to heal from the pain of loss, it comes in waves, in little doses, giving us time to digest what has happened and to heal slowly. This is in essence the definition of "grieving process." 

(To learn more about the different stages of mourning I recommend the following link.)   http://funeralplan.com/griefsupport/griefsteps.html

But if we are unable to "feel' the comfort of God, how do we prevent the slippery slope of despair?  It is during these times that we need to be honest with our friends and family, honest with God and honest with ourselves.   I have learned that it is okay, if I'm not okay.  It's okay if I'm angry, it's okay if I'm sad, it's okay if I just want to be alone, it's okay if I want to just go out and have some fun.  It's okay to roll with my emotions….as long as I'm being honest with myself.  When I'm angry I tell Jesus that I'm angry and I ask my close friends to pray for me.  When I'm feeling sad, I check myself and make sure I'm not feeling sorry for myself or stepping over the line and into depression.  For every day that I allow myself to isolate and have alone time, I make myself get out of the house for a couple of hours.  If I need to cry, I cry, knowing that every tear is a tribute to the one that I am mourning.  

I believe that going through loss in life is an opportunity to learn, in deeper ways, the true character of God.  He is not aloof, He cares and He comforts.  When we ask for understanding He gently gives just enough insight to help us.  When our first daughter Deverie died after her heart surgery at 11 days old, I didn't understand why I wasn't allowed to keep her. I asked Jesus to help me understand.  He spoke tenderly to me.  He said two things that changed my whole perspective.  The first thing He said to me is that He is the Author and Finisher of Life not just our faith.  He appoints a time for one to be born and a time for them to die.  HE decides what a lifetime is.  For some, a lifetime can be 90 years, for others only 10.  He told me that Deverie lived her appointed lifetime of 11 days.  She was not stolen or ripped off.  She lived her full life.  The second thing He told me is that Jesus' lap is big enough to hold all of the little babies that come to heaven.  Some may or may not find comfort in these words, but I did.  Jesus knew exactly what I needed to hear that day.  

Grieving also tests us.  It is a test that only we can see.  How well do we know God?  How much do we trust His love?  How surrendered to His plans are we?  Do we really know what the word says about suffering and trials and perseverance and healing and life and death?  By focusing our attention on seeking His word and His voice for our questions, we can keep ourselves from falling into despair.  Because when we do these things, we find that Jesus is faithful and that we can truly get through anything if we trust Him.  In my loneliest times I would reach for Him with my weak and broken heart and I would feel Him holding me.  Nothing earth shaking, just subtle little touches that comforted me perfectly.

If you are grieving you are not alone.  This is a shadow.  Lay down and rest.  Let Holy Spirit comfort you and carry you.  The process will be over soon, the fog will lift and you will feel the warmth of sunshine again.  Feel what you feel and do not be ashamed.  No one knows your pain but God.  No one understands your process but God.  And that's okay.  Some may think you have grieved too long, some may think you haven't grieved enough.  Some may say you eat too much or you need to eat more.  Some will tell you to get out and have fun,  to let go… Although, there is wisdom in listening to the counsel of the ones closest to you, speak up and be honest.  It is their love and concern and often, not knowing what you are feeling, that causes them to take action and sometimes suggest that you do something that you simply are not ready to do.  Grieving takes time.  You're going to be okay. The pain will fade and the process will come to an end.   

 John 11:35  Jesus wept.

http://www.cbn.com/spirituallife/CBNTeachingSheets/Grief.aspx

http://biblesays.faithsite.com/content.asp?CID=9768

Loosing A Parent and Gaining Perspective

I'm not sure if one is ever really "ready" to lose a parent.  When it's your father, you are saying goodbye to your protector, provider and guide.  When it's your mother, you are saying goodbye to your caretaker, nurturer and confidant.  Well, at least that is how we imagine our parents should be.  Regardless of our relationship with our parents or whether or not they "measured up" to their role in our lives, for those of us who loved them, losing one of them can be devastating.  For me, I have had to say goodbye to both of my parents now and there is no other way to describe the feeling but surreal and slightly orphaned.

My father passed away when I was 18.  He was 50 years old and died in his sleep from cardiomyopathy of the heart.  He was a diabetic and a heavy smoker and he did not like going to the doctor.  My mom passed away this past September at the age of 70.  She too, slipped away in her sleep from a "devastating cerebral brain hemorrhage", also known as a "Brain Aneurysm".  Like my father, she also struggled with smoking most of her adult life.  My mom and dad were both very hard workers and lived under a high level of stress. Together they would dream of retirement and all of the things they would do together.  They worked long, hard hours striving for the day that they could rest and enjoy their lives.  But that day never came…

My parents, like many of us, believed that they would retire around 65 and then spend the next 15 years traveling and enjoying their grand babies.  They put money in their 401k's and IRAs.  They made their plans to buy an RV and travel around the US.  They invested in fishing gear that they would "enjoy for years to come".  They never traveled outside of the country, or the state for that matter. They never enjoyed theatre, or long drives up and down the coast.  They worked.  Tirelessly they worked.  Every year my sister and I would beg them to take us to Disneyland or Yosemite, but they were too tired, too broke, or just too unwilling.  Our vacations growing up were camping trips to the same little lake in Northern California. Every year, twice a year from when I was 6 months old to when I was 17. We loved our traditional camping trips, they really were the highlight of my childhood, but we always knew that mom and dad wanted something more….and they planned to have it….some day.

I think that one of the most sobering lessons for me in losing my parents while they were still relatively young, is that they worked so hard to achieve the "someday dream", that they let their "today's" slip by.  They should have laughed more, played more, rested more….lived more.  The bible says, that "life is just a vapor and then it's gone."  It really is so very true.  Investing in the future is important, but not at the expense of living today.  Life throws curve balls at us every step of the journey, but we must learn how to dodge them, learn from them, and keep enjoying our lives and the people in which we share them.

Yes, I will invest in IRAs and Mutual Funds…but I will also invest in my marriage, children and friends.  Yes, I will plan for my future, but I will also be present and live today.  Yes, I will dream…yes, I will hope.  But no, I will not drive myself into the ground with work, stress, and harmful self remedy's.  I will love Jesus, Love my family, Love my work and Love my play.  And I will not take for granted one single day while I'm on this planet…I will dream for tomorrow but live like I only have today.  This will be my tribute to my parents.  "I hear you mom and dad….And I will learn from you."

Prophetic Intercession: Dreams and Visions

Dream- A sequence of images, etc. passing through a sleeping person’s mind (Webster’s Dictionary)

Vision- A mental image (Webster’s Dictionary)

There are many ways that the Lord communicates to the human heart.  Through heart felt words, actions, emotions, the Holy Spirit, audible words, and dreams and visions.  Dreams and visions are an earmark for those with a Seer gifting.  Seer’s see.  They are visual and gain prophetic insight from the Lord through pictures, whether while awake or while sleeping.  Examples of Seers in the bible are found in 1st and 2nd Chronicles with Gad and Iddo, as well as many other references to “seers” in the bible. 

2 Chronicles 33:18 

Now the rest of the acts of Manasseh, and his prayer unto his God, and the words of the seers that spake to him in the name of the LORD God of Israel, behold, they are written in the book of the kings of Israel.

2 Kings 17:13 

Yet the LORD testified against Israel, and against Judah, by all the prophets, and by all the seers, saying, Turn ye from your evil ways, and keep my commandments and my statutes, according to all the law which I commanded your fathers, and which I sent to you by my servants the prophets.

Isaiah 29:10 

For the LORD hath poured out upon you the spirit of deep sleep, and hath closed your eyes: the prophets and your rulers, the seers hath he covered.

Isaiah 30:10 

Which say to the seers, See not; and to the prophets, Prophesy not unto us right things, speak unto us smooth things, prophesy deceits:

However not all must be Seers in order to see, just as not all must be Prophets in order to prophesy.  As with any gift, all we need to do is ask for it and learn to steward it with reverence toward the Gift-Giver.  We must always guard ourselves against pride remembering that this gift, as with any gift, is for His glory alone and for His purposes and not our own.  Dreams have become a significant tool in my ability to intercede prophetically.  The Lord will share a secret plan with me in a dream and I will begin to pray into it and see the dream come to pass or for breakthrough to come or God will use me to pray for protection over a family by revealing a danger to me in a dream. 

Daydreaming is MAN utilizing the visionary process and may be referred to in Ecclesiastes 5:7, “Much dreaming and many words are meaningless.  Therefore stand in awe of God.”  It is better to present the eyes of your heart to God and ask Him to fill them with Divine dreams, visions and godly imaginations and to heed the warning of Ezekiel in Chapter 14, verse 2...”Son of man, prophesy against the prophets of Israel, who are prophesying, and say to those who prophesy from their own imaginations: ‘Hear the word of the Lord!”   I personally tremble at this verse.  I never want to “prophesy from my own imagination” or embellish or exaggerate a genuine word from the Lord.  This can be a great temptation and we must be diligent to steward prophesy and protect the word of the Lord from defilement.  We must be so careful to remain close and intimate with the Father.  Dreams and Visions are not the goal.  They are a tool for Him to use.  The closer we draw to Him, the more likely we are to receive dreams and visions as one of the many ways that He draws near to us invites us into Prophetic Intercession.  Like all things related to our relationship to God, we must be careful to steward our dreams and visions well, with honesty and integrity.

Four reasons we should ask for and listen to our dreams~

1. God declared that He WOULD speak through dreams and visions in the Old Testament.

Numbers 12:6

“And He said, “Hear now my words; If there be a prophet among you, I the LORD will make myself known unto him in a vision, and will speak unto him in a dream”

1. God declared that He DID speak through dreams and visions in the Old Testament.

Hosea 12:10 

“I have also spoken by the prophets, and I have multiplied visions, and used similitude’s, by the ministry of the prophets.”

1. God declared that He WILL communicate through dreams and visions in the New Testament.

Acts 2:17

“And it shall come to pass in the last days, I will pour out My Spirit upon all flesh; and your sons and your daughters shall prophesy, and your young men shall see visions, and your old men shall dream dreams.”

1. God declared that He WILL COUNSEL us at night through our dreams.

Psalm 16:7

“I will bless the Lord who has counseled me; indeed, my mind (inner man) instructs me in the night.”

Practical Application:  Ask God to speak to you through dreams as you fall asleep at night.  Put a journal beside your bed and immediately record your dreams as soon as you wake up.  When you wake up, ask God to bring to mind any dreams you may have had and forgotten.  Immediately pray into your dream!  Keep praying into your dream.  As you pray over your dream make note of any “extra” understanding you receive from God.

Prophetic Intercession: Resting

“By practice of the Presence of God, by steadfast gaze on Him, the soul comes to a knowledge of God, full and deep, to an unclouded vision: all it’s life is passed in unceasing acts of love and worship, of contrition and of simple trust, of praise and prayer, and service; at times indeed life seems to to be but one long unbroken practice of His Divine Presence.” Brother Lawrence

To be unclouded, unbiased, undistracted...this should be the goal of every believer when seeking the will of God and listening for His voice.  It is so easy for us to get religious even about not becoming religious.  Our hearts can get heavy with our own opinions and perceptions.  We can become too confident in what we know, see, believe, that we fail to realize that our hearts are severely disconnected to the heart of God.  In my life, I have found, that the biggest hindrances to me hearing His voice are the stresses of life; lack of finances, a calendar that is simply too full, friends in distress, and family stresses all seem to cloud my vision and make spending time with Jesus difficult.  We can again, fall so easily into condemnation.  We rehearse in our minds all the reasons why we are distant from God...laziness, lack of faith, sin, need to do more for Him, need to hear more from Him.  The list can go on and on.  All of these thoughts just feed into the problem and we take steps backwards and further from the presence of God even as we are so desperate for more of Him.  The answer isn’t try harder, work harder or be a better Christian.  The answer is resting in Him.

Matthew 11:28-30

“Come to Me all who are weary and heavy burdened, and I will give you rest.  Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.  For My yoke is easy and My burden is light.”       

What a beautiful invitation!  “Come and rest!  Let Me teach you how to rest!  How to be gentle and humble like Me!”  Jesus had a very busy ministry, He had 12 disciples to teach and steward, and many others to care for as they followed Him from village to village.  He had haters and scoffers, the religious were after Him, many needed Him, wanted Him, pulled on Him and demanded His attention...and yet He knew how to rest through it all and He is inviting us now to learn from Him the secrets to His success!  Not just in ministry but in having a relationship with His Father through it all.  We don’t have to have it all figured out, all we have to do is COME!  As we learn to come to Him and rest in Him, we will hear His voice as He counsels us, teaches us, and comforts us.  

It is so easy for us as intercessors to slip into burdensome labor in the place of prayer.  We can take someones great need and wear it as a yoke, carrying a weight that we do not have the grace to carry, because we are not meant too.  Discernment is such a wonderful gift, especially as an intercessor who depends on our spiritual and natural understanding to fuel our prayers.  However, there is a difference between feeling a burden and carrying a burden. 

Galatians 6:2

“Bear one another's burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ.”

Psalms 52:22

“Cast your burden on the Lord, and he will sustain you; he will never permit the righteous to be moved.”

I picture myself holding a large mirror in my hands, always facing out and up.  The Lord shows me a need, a burden, His heart...it hits me, right in the mirror and it bounces right back to Him in the form of prayer.  I feel the impact, I bear the burden for a moment, but then I “cast it” right back on to Him.  A friend comes to me with a deep, painful need, it hits me in the mirror and reflects right up to Jesus through my intercession for them.  I feel it, but I don’t carry it.  This is the only way I can intercede for as many people and situations as I do.  It is light, not heavy.  It is a joy and not a burden.  Yes, I weep sometimes, I travail sometimes, sometimes I will mourn all day long as I am praying for a friend who is hurting, but I am feeling....not carrying.  There is a difference.   When I walk away from intercession, I know that Jesus is carrying the burden, and the ones I have been praying for.  I know that He is helping and comforting them.  He is faithful to meet every need.  My job is done and I can walk away, make dinner for my family and laugh with my friends because I have partnered with Jesus in the place of prayer and He will answer my petitions to Him.  I can rest in Him and His faithfulness.

Mark 6:31 

“And he said to them, ‘Come away by yourselves to a desolate place and rest a while.’ For many were coming and going, and they had no leisure even to eat.” 

Personal Application:  Take some time to today to fall into the arms of Jesus, to rest in Him.  Release any burdens you may be carrying.  Say the names of all of the loved ones whom you carry in your heart and/or on your back and give them all to Jesus.  Ask Him to specifically remove heavy yokes from your shoulders and neck regarding social issues that you may be contending for and to place His yoke on your neck instead.  Spend some time soaking in gentle worship and position yourself to receive His love, His peace, His counsel.  He will teach you how to be a restful intercessor!

yoke  (yk)

n.

1.

a. A crossbar with two U-shaped pieces that encircle the necks of a pair of oxen or other draft animals working together.

b. pl. yoke or yokes A pair of draft animals, such as oxen, joined by a yoke.

c. A bar used with a double harness to connect the collar of each horse to the pole of a wagon or coach.

2. A frame designed to be carried across a person's shoulders with equal loads suspended from each end.

3. Nautical A crossbar on a ship's rudder to which the steering cables are connected.

4. A clamp or vise that holds a machine part in place or controls its movement or that holds two such parts together.

5. A piece of a garment that is closely fitted, either around the neck and shoulders or at the hips, and from which an unfitted or gathered part of the garment is hung.

6. Something that connects or joins together; a bond or tie.

7. Electronics A series of two or more magnetic recording heads fastened securely together for playing or recording on more than one track simultaneously.

8.

a. Any of various emblems of subjugation, such as a structure made of two upright spears with a third laid across them, under which conquered enemies of ancient Rome were forced to march in subjection.

b. The condition of being subjugated by or as if by a conqueror; subjugation or bondage: v.tr.

1. To fit or join with a yoke.

2.

a. To harness a draft animal to.

b. To harness (a draft animal) to a vehicle or an implement.

3. To join securely as if with a yoke; bind: 4. To force into heavy labor, bondage, or subjugation.

v.intr.

To become joined securely.

Prophetic Intercession: Waiting For His Voice

Isaiah 40:28

“Do you not know?  Have you not heard?  The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He will not grow weary, and His understanding no one can fathom...” 

I love this quote by John G. Lake, “There is probably no more delightful thing on earth than to watch a soul praying to God when the light comes on him and the life of God fills his nature, and the holy affection that we seek from others finds expression in Him.”  

We  were made to encounter God in the place of prayer.  We were never meant to strive to form perfect words to move Him or to be spotless on our own before approaching His throne of grace.  If we wait until we are perfect before we approach Him, then we will have a lifeless, meaningless relationship with Him.  Too many people love God without having a prayer life because they feel that they have to fix all of their problems first.  They feel dirty, ashamed and guilty over struggles with sin, inability to feel His presence or the length of time since the last time they sat down to spend time with Him...thinking that it is the Lord that condemns them when, in reality,  they condemn themselves.  We tend to make spending time with God more complicated than it needs to be.  We struggle just to get to the point of talking to Him, let alone succeeding in encountering His heart and His affections toward us.

Lets just strip it all down to waiting.  Start with waiting.  We are much too hard on ourselves.  If we wait on the Lord He will renew our strength (Isaiah 40:31)and through His kindness He will lead us to repentance without fear of rejection or condemnation. (Romans 2:4) Rather than the unrealistic expectation of walking into our time with Him refreshed and renewed, lets come as we are and then leave our time with Him refreshed and renewed by His mercy shown to us.  We must remember that we serve a gracious and loving God who spread out His arms and died for us so that we can encounter Him, washed and made whole by the blood of the Lamb.  Not by our works, but by His grace alone are we made worthy to approach Him and to fall into His open arms.  He is always ready to receive us, if we will only just come...

Ecclesiastes 5:2

“Do not be quick with your mouth; do not be hasty in your heart to utter anything before God.  God is in heaven and you are on the earth, so let your words be few.”

Here’s the good news!  Praying doesn’t necessarily equate to talking!  You don’t have to have perfect words!  As an intercessor, we must start with the basics.  “God what is on Your heart?  What is on Your mind?”  Pressing into Him who has all knowledge of what was, what is, and what is to come, is the only way we will be able to truly pray for His will to be done on earth as it is in heaven.  Often, we assimilate “pressing in” with talking to Him.  However, to enter into a place of “Prophetic Intercession” the bulk of our time must be spent in waiting, listening and allowing ourselves to hear revelation, to feel revelation, to know the revelation of what is on God’s heart. 

I believe that as we wait for Him quietly, we allow the core of our spirit-man to do the calling/inviting.  To be silent in the natural, yet longing and crying out to Him deep on the inside.  “I want to know what’s on Your heart.”  It is in the depths that the whispers of God’s heart are spoken.  I have found that often I will walk away from “waiting’, having not heard or sensed anything.  Then a few days later, I will have a dream, or something will just drop into my spirit, when I am least expecting it.  We need to remember that when we wait on the Lord, we may not get instant results.  God loves being mysterious and He loves to provoke our hearts to “press in”.  We must always keep our spirit-man engaged and ready to hear from the Lord.

If we are to enter into “Prophetic Intercession” then we must learn to wait on God without fear of rebuke.  To understand that He wants us to come to Him and pray so that we will know Him fully and fall in love with Him and His will everyday.  He desires for us to seek revelation and the knowledge of God.  What a joy it is to then pray into the very things that He has revealed to us!  It always comes back to intimacy with Him!  He wants to be one with you!  (John 17:22)  You are His bride and He is your Bridegroom!  Wait on Him, rest in Him!  He reveals His heart in the place of rest and intimacy.  Let Him take care of you in the place of prayer!

Practical Application:  Prophetic Intercession is all about waiting on the Lord to reveal His secrets about people, places and things.  And then, after the revealing, we pray into those things that He has shown us.  Today, start with YOU!  Find a quiet place, and with your heart, rather than your mouth, begin to invite the Lord to reveal His affections for you.  “What do You see when You look at me?  What are Your dreams for me?  Jesus, talk to me....about me.  I want to know the secrets of Your heart towards me.”